Defining me to my daughter.

I love my country.  I get tired of the oppressed people acting out in uncivilized ways in order to be heard.  People here; feel like they have no voice.  We fill our lives with ‘stuff’ because it serves to mask the fact that we don’t feel loved.  We feel duped about God about freedom about trust.  From a very early age we learn that people are judgmental, condescending and hypocrites. We feel lost and alone, so we turn to things that help feel less of these that indulge the lust of the flesh.

The potential in this country is very big.  By easy one can open their own business – and thus make their dreams come true.  But by the time we become adults most of us lose Hope that anything that rests in our heart will fail.  So I think we spend the majority of our time reasoning with ourselves, why our ideas will fail.  Failed relationships, failed career, our heroes were fake, and our god was absent.

I’ve been trying to understand why this culture of the Middle East is so inspiring to me.  A lot of these countries have so much visible destruction, have lived under oppression for some 100’s of years… but the people haven’t lost their Hope.  How can this be?  In America we are dealing with mental bondage – and in the Middle East they have dealt with physical bondage.

The men who started my country, left where they were – into the unknown – because it was better than their physical surroundings.  From one regime to the next, they lived under oppression… but they never lost their Hope and the dreams on their heart; they held onto these things and thought ways to make it possible.

I find myself daydreaming about the escape from my mind.  I understand how living under the regime that limits the exposure to so much of the ‘stuff’ we Americans use to mask ourselves, helps the people from FALLING.  But, with this much power – it’s important that those making these decisions for the people would stay uncorrupt with the sin that is crouching at their door waiting to devour them.

I’m learning life is a balance.  Through your Father I have learned how to release the bars on my mind – in order to fight for things that rest in my heart.  Here, in America, I can restrict my own self with all the culture of any place for my own life… without fear that the regime would do anything to me.  People wouldn’t look down on me.  With that much conviction, people will want this for themselves.

So I’m finding myself thinking about the dreams on my heart.  And when I start to dig deep I find JOY.  When I close my eyes and smell in the essence of your Father and I look into His eyes… I find JOY in my heart, and I know my life is complete.

1. Why I love him.

• The Virtues of Allah are manifest in him.
• Wisdom
  • Discretion of sexual conduct according to one’s state in life; the practice of courtly love.
  • Cleanliness through cultivated good health and hygiene, and maintained by refraining from intoxicants.
  • To be honest with oneself, one’s family, one’s friends and to all of humanity.
  • Embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought-through education and betterment.
  • The ability to refrain from being distracted and influenced by hostility, temptation or corruption.
• Justice/Integrity
  • A zealous and careful nature in one’s actions and work; decisive work ethic, steadfastness in belief, fortitude and the capability of not giving up.
  • Budgeting one’s time; monitoring one’s own activities to guard against laziness.
  • Upholding one’s convictions at all times, especially when noon else is watching.
• Temperance/restraint
  • Constant mindfulness of others and one’s surroundings; practicing self- control, abstention, moderation and deferred gratification.
  • Prudence to judge between actions with regard to appropriate actions at a given time.
  • Proper moderation between self-interest, public-interest, and against the rights and needs of others.
• Courage/fortitude
  • Resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence.
  • Accepting the grace to forgive; to show mercy.
  • Creating a sense of peaceful stability and community rather than suffering, hostile and antagonism.
• Patience
  • Forbearance and endurance through moderation.
  • Enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity.
• Humility
  • Modest behavior, selflessness and the giving of respect.
  • Humility is not thinking less of you, it is thinking of yourself less.
  • The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult; tedious or unglamorous and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved.
  • Reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love.
  • Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one’s own self.
  • Being faithful to promises, no matter how big or small they may be.
  • Refraining from despair and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty or intimidation.
• Charity
  • Generosity, charity, self-sacrifice; the term should not be confused with the more restricted modern use of the word charity to mean benevolent giving.
• Love
  • Love, in the sense of an unlimited loving kindness towards all others, is held to be the ultimate perfection of the human spirit, because it is said to both glorify and reflect the nature of God. Such love is self-sacrificial.  The love that is divinely infused into the soul – and by its residing in the will rather than emotions… regardless of what emotions it stirs up.  With this love, no one can be without God.
• Kindness
  • Charity, compassion and friendship for its own sake.
  • Empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment.
  • Unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite.
  • Having positive outlooks and cheerful demeanor; to inspire kindness in others.

 

2. How I know this love is real.

• He senses through the spiritual realm, from God directly all things in disaccord with me.
• I feel him physically here, when he is not.

 

3. Why am I learning about Islam?

• I want to be educated:
  1. In His culture, His faith, His mind.
  2. Because it is important that my children see me as wise.
  3. I want to know God in a way I’ve not experienced.
  4. I want to understand my husband.

 

4. Why we will live in USA.

• To work toward our 5/10 year plan (move to Egypt)
• I want him to experience life from my perspective, in a country where all religions are equally accepted.
• I want him to understand my way, by experience life through my culture.

 

5. Why I want to live in Egypt.

• My heart yearns to live in a place where the socially acceptable way, is Gods way.
• I desire to live in a culture that promotes God, rather than question Him.
• I think it is good for my husband.
• I want our children to learn and love this culture.
• Egypt is a big part of the history of my faith.

 

6. What I want for my children.

• I want my children to be just like my husband.
• I want them to possess the virtues of God. I want them to want this for themselves.
• The environment is very important in the rearing of children and in my mind – I think my husband’s home is better than mine.

 

7. What I want to be remembered for.

• Educating and influencing to be world-changers for the Glory of God.
• For loving God and serving him; for raising children that devote themselves to serving God and for serving my family and empowering my husband to be all that God created him to be.

 

8. Why I love art.

• Art, in all it’ forms, connects all people without the use of words.
• I love that art brings people together from all cultures.
• Art is an expression of the mind of us; when we can’t express ourselves by words.
  1. It becomes exactly where we are, thus making us transparent.

 

9. Why I love culture, and learning about people

What I love about my city, Pittsburgh…

• I love the city because this is the mecca for culture, religion and government… the three things I love discussing and contemplating.
• I love that all peoples are accepted.
• I love that there are many cultures represented and people freely do the things they love.

The neighborhood…

Church Hill (outskirts)

• Affordable, family friendly suburb houses.
• 10minutes drive from city… so all the benefits, none of the negative.
• Close to Islamic school, great schools all over.
• Less than five minute drive from Monroeville, shopping, Mosque, business diversity; 45min from my church.

Islamic Center

• City mecca for diverse culture.
• Young adult population (universities, small business owners).
• Neighborhood sports teams.

I’ve been thinking who I’ve become and who I am.  I don’t want to change my core beliefs, because these are what define me as a person… but, I believe in adopting the way of my husband into my life.  People always say, in speaking about religion, what are you?  And thus here we are again, categorizing ourselves… separating ourselves… and casuing division.  There isn’t any discord in God…our God is a god of order, not chaos.  But division is chaotic because we then have to exert ourselves over the other.

In America, I can go to my church on Sunday and lead ministry there and then I can go to the Mosque on Friday and prostrate myself before my God.  I believe in One Way to live my life, and I find this way in both Christian and Muslim.  I’ve been thinking about Gods people before back to Abraham – the father of which I believe the Christian and the Muslim derived.

If the people were just God’s people and there was no categorization… how did they connect to their God?  What was life like… and thus my study of Abram begins… utilizing as much text as possible in order to reason this out with myself objectively.  Here I will find my way – and my soul tells me, I will find His way… and this is what I will be remembered for.  Because your life is most important to us, your soul is what we are striving to protect, as your parents.

So I’m really searching for the things that make me, me.  The hope for my life, how I can make this JOY manifest itself in every arena of my life.  Because then I will know I will have satisfied the cravings of my soul.

I love art.  I love having the freedom to illustrate to every person the thoughts from my heart.  Art provides me the outlet for this freedom of expression.  I think because I’ve felt for so long, inadequate – I am afraid to share my art with the world that I would be rejected, just like Jesus was when he was on the earth.  I’m striving for perfection in Gods eyes, not man… and a lot of people just don’t understand this.  I just want to feel free to live my life the way I want to.  Because I understand why I want it; I think culture in and of itself is the purest form of art that any one of us could possibly express while here in this life.  A living example.

I like the city because there contains so many people from all background and out of the box mindsets, ready to accept and to be accepted for who they are and how they express themselves.  The further out from the city one finds themselves, the further out of tolerance and unity.  The ones that seem the most conservative are the ones that guard the things they treasure under lock and key… but, with a solid base of godliness we can overcome the fear with honor and grace.  I want my life to demonstrate this with all people of the earth.

I want to embark in this season of my life – with courage and conviction, humility and patience; I want to lean on my faith in all ways, in all thoughts, in all decisions.  I want to serve God boldly so he can fill every arena of my life with JOY.

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

I have found joy in the person who will give both of us the opportunity to be instructed in the ways of God for the rest of his life.  How awesome is this, I have found your father thereby finding you, my treasure, my joy, my love, my testimony.