Post Egypt

It was 1993 and I was offered the opportunity to visit Egypt with my school.  The class I took was World Cultures, and proved to be my favorite class in all my life.  We had studied ancient Egypt that year and I yearned to visit these structures that were built over 3,000 years and still standing.  This coupled with my post church-camp experience where I got to meet kids from all over that had a real personal relationship with god.  I was amazed at how something so old was still preserved.   Everything in my life that I saw, short of a few buildings were changing – the culture, the people, the fashion, and the way of the life… everything.  I couldn’t wait to visit the area where the language is still the same, the culture the same, the way of the life – clinging to their roots.  That trip never came, unfortunately.

From Cairo Tower

From Cairo Tower

I grew in a Christian home – Christianity was far from us, as was the case in most people I knew.  If anything, the “church” as we knew it was more Christendom and Apostate.  I found myself discovering my life as an adult running away from this “god” as so was described to me into the world for answers.  As time passed, this dream of going to Egypt was covered by the nuances of life.

In 2009, I had an intimate experience with God -as you know.  I can never deny his supreme existence.  This transformed me.  I decided for the first time I would read the Holy Scripture, the entire way through.  Not just in reading it – but to read it and then apply these teaching to my life.  I started with John in the NT and read to Jude then the OT and just skipped Revelation because what am I going to do with someone else’s dream.  I wrote a summary for just about every chapter/book in the Bible.  How does this speak to my life?  And you know what, it did.  As I started to incorporate these teachings into my life – I started to be transformed (be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may be perfect and acceptable lacking nothing).

In my transformation, my mind was activated.  I wanted to learn more so I enrolled in school for bible study /namely a course that would lead to a BS in Theology with a concentration on the effects of Religion in the Culture.  It was an accelerated course, I would do 3 years.  At the crest of year two, I dropped out.  This was not at all what I needed; my heart was searching for God, not for Christianity.

I hadn’t thought much about the Middle East before.  Then 9/11 hit and there was so much news about it.  Prime time shows were non-existent for months.  Life here kinda just stopped as the people prepared themselves for war on US soil.  There were so many reports that came in but when you used your brain, the media reporting didn’t make any sense.  I’m pretty sure this was pre-Facebook… we had our cell phones, which by the way didn’t work for a few days.  Most people by this time didn’t have a LAN line.  It was really difficult.  Not a lot of work got done at work those days, as people were still trying to wrap their mind around what happened.  But one thing that did happen was there were many, many PowerPoint slides made up to support the retaliation into the Middle East regarding this situation.

I remember sitting there at work, and looking at the peoples compilations and thinking to myself – this doesn’t make any sense.  So I spend the next few months digging through information on line, and from sources in chat rooms to make sense of what had just happened in my country.  The research findings were devastating.  I learned that the powers that be, the powers that rule government, are playing chess with the world.  I have friend here in my city whose family is from Afghanistan, this is the far east of the Middle East, but it was something.

Downtown Cairo

Downtown Cairo

Fast forward 2012… This was the year I had dropped out of school… to pursue the face of God.  A very dear friend of mine let me know he left apostate Christianity to learn Islam.  Now I had heard of Islam but really didn’t know anything about it.  When he said this to me, I immediately feared him.  This is what I had been taught.  It was wrong.  It went against everything I knew and everything I valued as a part of myself.  But I felt this discomfort in the pit of my stomach.  And I wanted it gone.  I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t going to read the bible and discover what it said for himself.

After reading the Quran and studying Islam for myself I think the people of any religion do themselves a grave injustice to not read the other holy books from their god.  I totally agree that some of the text has been changed and the meanings have been lost in the bible.  In my study I read many different versions in the bible – one line that is most disturbing is Matthew 18:22 NIV CEB now just between these two versions there is a big difference between seventy-seven (77) and seventy time seven (490).  So what is it?  The answer is more than you want to, and more than you think they deserve.

Furthermore, I read the Torah by English – and I learned there was information there that wasn’t brought into the bible’s OT.  Then I went back further and read the Septuagint which was the original Greek of the OT and found books I never heard before and again, read these and found nothing in the bibles OT.  So, why were these books not placed in the bible as being a part of the OT or the history of the lineage of David?  And why, beyond the language itself, why is the translation lost?

You really have to understand the reason behind the bible in order to appreciate the bible.  The bible was compiled to help

Downtown Cairo

Downtown Cairo

the people of god to understand the way through the walk/life of Jesus.  The bible isn’t historical fact data.  The bible is comprised of two parts, the first part OT being most of the Torah and the second part the NT being post Jesus.  All messengers from god were given to the people as a means of delivering the way of life – or the way to a successful life, form god.  There are three religions that fell out of the descendants of Abraham.  By means of the Bible, we are told that Ishmael his first son by Hagar the Egyptian Maid-servant came Islam… and from Isaac his second son by way of his wife Sarah came the Israelites later known as the Jewish – and from the lineage of King David we have Jesus, a Jew.  The Christian is merely the people that follow the way of the Christ, Jesus.

So what was the religion before Abraham?  What were the religious practices at the time, and what was Abraham practicing and how was he raising his family?  I have been actively researching the way of life in regards to worship and prayer to god from Adam to Abraham.  In my studies, I have been trying to find the 1-path to god.  Hamdulliah I’m finally on my way.  I have been reading the Quran for about eight months, during that time – I worked two jobs for five months in order to save the funds I needed to depart from my home for 1-month.  Much to say I didn’t have much time to read.  What I have read so far though, has demonstrated to me the way to stay in the way of the god.  You see the bible brought me to god.  It taught the way to god, and the way to accepting the good and making the right choices in my life.  The Quran I find is giving me the specific instruction on how to live the life.

My rebellious Americanism fights me on this sometimes – but I serve god not this country.  My god is more important to me than myself.  The bible tells me I will be in daily battles with my mind; the Quran tells me how to be successful in these battles.  I understand how people fear what they don’t know, I did this.  I want to create an atmosphere where people can learn and grow together so that they can see that their religions essentially are the same.  We get so caught up in diving ourselves rather than coming together in love.

I made it to Egypt.  I sat on the cleft of a rock at the pyramids, with god.  I opened my phone and read the Holy Scriptures out loud as I looked out into the sand… then Giza for as far as my eyes could see… and I prayed to my god the words that he gave me, المو منون

I’m pretty sure I was in love with Egypt before I got there, but being there just solidified it.  My most intimate desire, other than educating people, is to live in a place where sex is not the object.  I found this in Egypt.  I found a lifestyle that supported the family, that all people are kind and considerate and helpful.  A way of life, although having its flaws – is a lot different than the way here.

My friends tell me it’s because I found my soul in Egypt.  And while this is true, I don’t know how I would have felt in Egypt alone because I was with a native – which I’m in love with.  Life here is so different, it’s clean and it’s roomy.  All things here are easy and our government has rules that help the children and the people overcome their current circumstances in the life.  But the mindset of the Egyptian people mirrored my religion – and that has caused me to want to study their religion all the deeper.  I want to be a faithful servant of god; I want to submit all my being to his way… I cling to my friends from the Middle East to give me accurate information regarding the life there.  I have friends displaced because of daesh/ISIS, I have friends still living in Syria and in Iraq.  Chat Rooms have afforded me the opportunity to speak with people in Palestine in Israel in Jordan in Egypt in Iran in Iraq in Syria in Saudi in UAE – who tell me their perspective of the way of life for them.

I have found, everywhere in the world there are apostate people… in all religions.  I have found that people hurt the same way about the same stuff no matter where they are from.  One can be in the Middle of the East in a culture that supports faith and still find oneself alone and a part from the god.  You can be in the middle of America where everything is at your disposal but still lack something deep in your heart.  And you can find this, and then you find peace.

6th October City

6th October City

It doesn’t matter where we are, where we live… God is with you.  God is a god of order, not chaos, not fear, not condemnation.  He is a god of peace, of protection and of wisdom… and he will impart these things to do, if you take the time to seek him.  I have found my way that I cannot live in this world without my god – I trust that every path is a path he is walking with me, guiding me and helping me when I fail him.  And my cry today is that everyone will take the time to learn about the things that fear them, so we can grow together in love.

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Defining me to my daughter.

I love my country.  I get tired of the oppressed people acting out in uncivilized ways in order to be heard.  People here; feel like they have no voice.  We fill our lives with ‘stuff’ because it serves to mask the fact that we don’t feel loved.  We feel duped about God about freedom about trust.  From a very early age we learn that people are judgmental, condescending and hypocrites. We feel lost and alone, so we turn to things that help feel less of these that indulge the lust of the flesh.

The potential in this country is very big.  By easy one can open their own business – and thus make their dreams come true.  But by the time we become adults most of us lose Hope that anything that rests in our heart will fail.  So I think we spend the majority of our time reasoning with ourselves, why our ideas will fail.  Failed relationships, failed career, our heroes were fake, and our god was absent.

I’ve been trying to understand why this culture of the Middle East is so inspiring to me.  A lot of these countries have so much visible destruction, have lived under oppression for some 100’s of years… but the people haven’t lost their Hope.  How can this be?  In America we are dealing with mental bondage – and in the Middle East they have dealt with physical bondage.

The men who started my country, left where they were – into the unknown – because it was better than their physical surroundings.  From one regime to the next, they lived under oppression… but they never lost their Hope and the dreams on their heart; they held onto these things and thought ways to make it possible.

I find myself daydreaming about the escape from my mind.  I understand how living under the regime that limits the exposure to so much of the ‘stuff’ we Americans use to mask ourselves, helps the people from FALLING.  But, with this much power – it’s important that those making these decisions for the people would stay uncorrupt with the sin that is crouching at their door waiting to devour them.

I’m learning life is a balance.  Through your Father I have learned how to release the bars on my mind – in order to fight for things that rest in my heart.  Here, in America, I can restrict my own self with all the culture of any place for my own life… without fear that the regime would do anything to me.  People wouldn’t look down on me.  With that much conviction, people will want this for themselves.

So I’m finding myself thinking about the dreams on my heart.  And when I start to dig deep I find JOY.  When I close my eyes and smell in the essence of your Father and I look into His eyes… I find JOY in my heart, and I know my life is complete.

  1. Why I love him.
  • The Virtues of Allah are manifest in him.
  • Wisdom
    • Discretion of sexual conduct according to one’s state in life; the practice of courtly love.
    • Cleanliness through cultivated good health and hygiene, and maintained by refraining from intoxicants.
    • To be honest with oneself, one’s family, one’s friends and to all of humanity.
    • Embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought-through education and betterment.
    • The ability to refrain from being distracted and influenced by hostility, temptation or corruption.
  • Justice/Integrity
    • A zealous and careful nature in one’s actions and work; decisive work ethic, steadfastness in belief, fortitude and the capability of not giving up.
    • Budgeting one’s time; monitoring one’s own activities to guard against laziness.
    • Upholding one’s convictions at all times, especially when noon else is watching.
  • Temperance/restraint
    • Constant mindfulness of others and one’s surroundings; practicing self- control, abstention, moderation and deferred gratification.
    • Prudence to judge between actions with regard to appropriate actions at a given time.
    • Proper moderation between self-interest, public-interest, and against the rights and needs of others.
  • Courage/fortitude
    • Resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence.
    • Accepting the grace to forgive; to show mercy.
    • Creating a sense of peaceful stability and community rather than suffering, hostile and antagonism.
  • Patience
    • Forbearance and endurance through moderation.
    • Enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity.
  • Humility
    • Modest behavior, selflessness and the giving of respect.
    • Humility is not thinking less of you, it is thinking of yourself less.
    • The courage of the heart necessary to undertake tasks which are difficult; tedious or unglamorous and to graciously accept the sacrifices involved.
    • Reverence for those who have wisdom and those who selflessly teach in love.
    • Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one’s own self.
    • Being faithful to promises, no matter how big or small they may be.
    • Refraining from despair and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty or intimidation.
  • Charity
    • Generosity, charity, self-sacrifice; the term should not be confused with the more restricted modern use of the word charity to mean benevolent giving.
  • Love
    • Love, in the sense of an unlimited loving kindness towards all others, is held to be the ultimate perfection of the human spirit, because it is said to both glorify and reflect the nature of God. Such love is self-sacrificial.  The love that is divinely infused into the soul – and by its residing in the will rather than emotions… regardless of what emotions it stirs up.  With this love, no one can be without God.
  • Kindness
    • Charity, compassion and friendship for its own sake.
    • Empathy and trust without prejudice or resentment.
    • Unselfish love and voluntary kindness without bias or spite.
    • Having positive outlooks and cheerful demeanor; to inspire kindness in others.


  1. How I know this love is real.
  • He senses through the spiritual realm, from God directly all things in disaccord with me.
  • I feel him physically here, when he is not.


  1. Why am I learning about Islam?
  • I want to be educated:
    1. In His culture, His faith, His mind.
    2. Because it is important that my children see me as wise.
    3. I want to know God in a way I’ve not experienced.
    4. I want to understand my husband.


  1. Why we will live in USA.
  • To work toward our 5/10 year plan (move to Egypt)
  • I want him to experience life from my perspective, in a country where all religions are equally accepted.
  • I want him to understand my way, by experience life through my culture.


  1. Why I want to live in Egypt.
  • My heart yearns to live in a place where the socially acceptable way, is Gods way.
  • I desire to live in a culture that promotes God, rather than question Him.
  • I think it is good for my husband.
  • I want our children to learn and love this culture.
  • Egypt is a big part of the history of my faith.


  1. What I want for my children.
  • I want my children to be just like my husband.
  • I want them to possess the virtues of God. I want them to want this for themselves.
  • The environment is very important in the rearing of children and in my mind – I think my husband’s home is better than mine.


  1. What I want to be remembered for.
  • Educating and influencing to be world-changers for the Glory of God.
  • For loving God and serving him; for raising children that devote themselves to serving God and for serving my family and empowering my husband to be all that God created him to be.


  1. Why I love art.
  • Art, in all it’ forms, connects all people without the use of words.
  • I love that art brings people together from all cultures.
  • Art is an expression of the mind of us; when we can’t express ourselves by words.
    1. It becomes exactly where we are, thus making us transparent.


  1. Why I love culture, and learning about people

What I love about my city, Pittsburgh…

  • I love the city because this is the mecca for culture, religion and government… the three things I love discussing and contemplating.
  • I love that all peoples are accepted.
  • I love that there are many cultures represented and people freely do the things they love.

The neighborhood…

Church Hill (outskirts)

  • Affordable, family friendly suburb houses.
  • 10minutes drive from city… so all the benefits, none of the negative.
  • Close to Islamic school, great schools all over.
  • Less than five minute drive from Monroeville, shopping, Mosque, business diversity; 45min from my church.

Islamic Center

  • City mecca for diverse culture.
  • Young adult population (universities, small business owners).
  • Neighborhood sports teams.

I’ve been thinking who I’ve become and who I am.  I don’t want to change my core beliefs, because these are what define me as a person… but, I believe in adopting the way of my husband into my life.  People always say, in speaking about religion, what are you?  And thus here we are again, categorizing ourselves… separating ourselves… and casuing division.  There isn’t any discord in God…our God is a god of order, not chaos.  But division is chaotic because we then have to exert ourselves over the other.

In America, I can go to my church on Sunday and lead ministry there and then I can go to the Mosque on Friday and prostrate myself before my God.  I believe in One Way to live my life, and I find this way in both Christian and Muslim.  I’ve been thinking about Gods people before back to Abraham – the father of which I believe the Christian and the Muslim derived.

If the people were just God’s people and there was no categorization… how did they connect to their God?  What was life like… and thus my study of Abram begins… utilizing as much text as possible in order to reason this out with myself objectively.  Here I will find my way – and my soul tells me, I will find His way… and this is what I will be remembered for.  Because your life is most important to us, your soul is what we are striving to protect, as your parents.

So I’m really searching for the things that make me, me.  The hope for my life, how I can make this JOY manifest itself in every arena of my life.  Because then I will know I will have satisfied the cravings of my soul.

I love art.  I love having the freedom to illustrate to every person the thoughts from my heart.  Art provides me the outlet for this freedom of expression.  I think because I’ve felt for so long, inadequate – I am afraid to share my art with the world that I would be rejected, just like Jesus was when he was on the earth.  I’m striving for perfection in Gods eyes, not man… and a lot of people just don’t understand this.  I just want to feel free to live my life the way I want to.  Because I understand why I want it; I think culture in and of itself is the purest form of art that any one of us could possibly express while here in this life.  A living example.

I like the city because there contains so many people from all background and out of the box mindsets, ready to accept and to be accepted for who they are and how they express themselves.  The further out from the city one finds themselves, the further out of tolerance and unity.  The oProdigal Daughternes that seem the most conservative are the ones that guard the things they treasure under lock and key… but, with a solid base of godliness we can overcome the fear with honor and grace.  I want my life to demonstrate this with all people of the earth.

I want to embark in this season of my life – with courage and conviction, humility and patience; I want to lean on my faith in all ways, in all thoughts, in all decisions.  I want to serve God boldly so he can fill every arena of my life with JOY.

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

I have found joy in the person who will give both of us the opportunity to be instructed in the ways of God for the rest of his life.  How awesome is this, I have found your father thereby finding you, my treasure, my joy, my love, my testimony.

To be, or not to be.

-I’ve, like most people on the planet, have spent a significant amount of time pondering the famous quote; “To be, or not to be”.  Often we add onto that… ‘What is the meaning of life?’… to the resolve of, ‘Where do I fit, what’s my place?’.  There’s never really a definitive answer to that… because we never fully arrive.  The world is constantly moving and changing and we are constantly evolving in this world through time.  Life isn’t a destination – it’s a journey.  The struggleA-lamp-unto-my-feet-e1355345544213s that we face, the education we receive, the stories that we hear and share… the world around us and our perception of that world makes us who we are.  As we continue in life, we learn that everyone has their own journey – their own story.  And there isn’t any journey that is more needed – we all have our place, we are all needed… but how to ‘be’… are we walking out our Divine Destiny?  

Every human on the planet has an intrinsic Voice deep in their soul that guides them through their journey.  Sometimes we listen to the Voice and sometimes we do not, nevertheless – It is always present.  The more we consult with the Voice – the more freedom we have in BEING someone of value to this life.  The more we shun the Voice within – the more imprisoned we become to our BEING.  Darkness has existed on the face of the deep for the all eternity.  Shall we really believe it does not impart itself into our lives?  The self-doubt, the worry, the anxiousness, the confusion have always existed in this world… they are a part of the physical reality.  However the Voice continues to manifest in order to free us from the bondage of solitude and despair that keep us from ‘BEING’.

Nike adopted the slogan “Just do it.” (R) from famous quote.  Their marketing showcased the potential we all have if we just act upon the thoughts that we carry inside.  They encouraged us to just start, start sharing – talk about the things we carry inside and allow life to unfold our story.  The only way TO BE is through an action.  Without action we cannot start the motion that will carry out the BE.  

For anything to happen it must first be a thought.  Then that thought must be spoken.  Once it is spoken, it is cannot return and be undone.  We must chose to be diligent to that thought and see the actions through so that it can be completed.  This process is the epitome of TO BE – and becomes our journey.

For me, I’m constantly second-guessing the course I’m on instead of allowing the story to unfold.  I question whether or not I’m suffocating the Voice or I’m submitting.  I have learned in the submission is when my life is full of Life and Wonder and Light – and the momentum continues… and continues until Fear stops it.  Resting in the security of my God gives me strength to know that all that is good and true, comes from Him.  He promises to help me through my journey, for I am His creation and He wills for me to succeed in all I do.10524725_10203450473276783_5011270578466043067_n

He placed deep inside of me a love for all peoples.  I didn’t always submit to the Voice within and chose a different path… and as a result, I suffered much in this  As I started to learn submission, I adopted Victory over the darkness.  I try very hard to understand the why’s of people think as they do – their history of a people, their experiences and their journey.  Compassion and empathy enter my being as I reflect on their struggle.  I open myself up to being influenced, in part, as the rapport is established, and as a result I evolve into a new me.  I pray that God keeps the doors open that He wills for me to walk through and closes the doors that are not from Him.  

I’ve lost a lot of time in my life choosing the wrong doors… and I bless and thank Him for the lit pathways and open doors.  He is my God and I am His people… and I am BEING who He created me to be.


Christian above all else?

So I’ve been watching CNN Headline News for the past 10-days or so… and one thing I’m starting to realize is that the “common” people of the world are the same no matter where ya live.

In America we have Gangs who want a world with no rules.  In foreign countries they also have Gangs… or terrorist cells called Extremists.  

In America we have Coalition Groups who advocate their points through rallies, demonstrations and public forum meetings.  In foreign countries they also have Coalitions Groups who force their points through bombings, government manipulation and media.

In America we feel defeated and feel defeated to make any real change happen through persuasion of government.  In foreign countries they use force and violence to force their opinions.

If American gangs weren’t so prideful and actually banded together – would they look THAT much different than ISIS?

Is it even po10524725_10203450473276783_5011270578466043067_nssible to band together in whatever profession we find ourselves in and salute our God over and before any immorality of the job duties and/or government entity?  Why can’t American Christians unite and form a bond with our Savior above all else?  Can we not understand the Change that could be made world-wide with that kind of bond?  Instead of a militia group causing violence world-wide, we would be the peace-bringers of the World… but we cannot get past our own selfish pride… how then do we separate ourselves that much differently from those that commissioned and then built the Temple of Jupiter Belus?

As I learn more about these cells (usually of terror) I see that they are fighting on behalf of how they perceive their religion to be.  I’ve been researching the Islamic faith and during that process I have to admit that I feel very bad for Ishmael.  I have lived most of my life thus far, outside of the Grace of God… and I have seen how sin has destroyed many parts of my life.  Understanding how culture can have a very severe affect on our lives and the choices we make.  How sad for the decedents of Ishmael to have been subjected to years and years of Pagan principles… and to hear first hand from Muslims in the middle east – a direct correlation between Gods Word and the sin that affected the teaching therein.

We are called as Christians to stand-tall in the sandstorms of life and persevere through any circumstances, standing firm on the Word of God to Love Him above all else and to love others the same way.  So why then as a Christian do I cower at the mere announcement of Righteousness on my job?  Why am I so fear-ridden that I cannot bear the iniquity of standing fast – in partnership – with Christ regardless of my circumstances?  

How much of a hypocrite am I if I allow the worlds view cloud my allegiance to the Most High?

Day 146 – Living Out Love

It’s that moment when you realize that you are a disciple of the Most High God just by living out your life; unashamed, liberated and free.

I’ve been just walking along, day to day – trying to make better decisions, more often. I have seen much growth in myself over the past few months. My walk in the Lord has been increasing and His confidence has been moving through me. After all of this praying and pleading with Him, God has finally softened my heart so that I could hear His teaching. It’s been such an exhilarating experience. I haven’t conquered all my demons but I do put in work in order to someday have dominion over all of them. With each battle, my endurance grows and patience is strengthened.

My Hope is in the Lord, therefore even though I am weak in arena’s of my life – my God will create a straight path for me to follow. I must stay focused on His Truth in order to effectively heed His Word. I am created a Victor by my Creator. He formed my heart, before even time began – my life was in His hand. Therefore, my Hope rests in the Lord, who will impart Wisdom as needed. I am humbled by His Grace, in all things I do for His Glory. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work with us.” …The battle is the Lords, I fight His cause “For the LORD God is a sun and shield, the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk with integrity.”

Minister Ray spoke a lot today about the life of Paul. One of the things he spoke today was that Living Out Grace can only be accomplished when we have made the solid commitment to allow God to reign supreme in our hearts… so that each battle we fight, will be in His name. This is how I know that I cannot be defeated, because God cannot be defeated. It is my faith, that I am the Living, Breathing Word of God incarnate in the flesh… The Word gives me this Wisdom and my Elpis comes by Faith.

I am reminded about Blessings that Overflow – blessings that touch your life because my life touches your life. I become an instrument played by God. “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good seed.”

My friend is preparing for battle today. He will enter into the manifold of wickedness in two days time, I pray that the Lord, our God cover him and shield him to victory! His heart is the Lords… Gods Spirit is Alive within him… His gifting has brought him before great men – and I have the certain faith that God will work though him a good and complete work because of his self-denying obedience.

Preparing my mind for the Work of the Lord – keeping focused on what David said – The Lord is my Rock and my Fortress and my Deliverer. My God, my Rock, in whom I take refuge; my Shield and the Horn of my Salvation, my Stronghold. I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised and I am saved from my enemies.

When you live your life from an Eternal Perspective… to live out what we believe. Define what we believe. Encourage others through our beliefs… it’s an exhilarating journey. Full of trials and lessons but acknowledging the privilege that God would allow me to serve Him, makes it all worth-while.


Day 43 – Romans 6

So in spending time with God this morning He brought to mind the night that I met the Holy Spirit.  You know, I’ve come to realize the Holy Spirit met me a lot sooner than I realized. 

I had been seeking God for a few years before then.  I mean I grew up in the church but I never really comprehended my role in Gods family… I did have an actual example to follow – and my church really wasn’t trying to conceptualize Scripture for me.  My connection with God was (almost) innate.  Deep in my heart I believed that God existed but what I didn’t understand was Him in action.  They said He was alive… but I didn’t feel Him alive in my life. 

Now that I feel Him alive in every aspect of my life I realize… the Holy Spirit met me in my pew that night.  It wasn’t on the walk to the front, it wasn’t during the Words God was speaking to me; it wasn’t in the car ride over to the church.  The Holy Spirit met me in my pew when I, during worship, stopped singing and whispered to God, “I want You in my life, I want to feel You, and I know You are alive – Help me! Please Lord God!” … and then in my spirit in my mind I continued to beg Him to show Himself to me so that I could finally be assured in believing…

And that’s when I was called out… and asked to come to the front, because God had a message for me.  For me.  And in that journey to the front – I continued to beg God – “Let me feel what I’m supposed to feel, let me feel that You are here with me, let me know please Lord, Help me.”  It was so emotional because I knew (deep down in my spirit) that God was going to answer this prayer.  I knew He was real – but my mind continued to dominate my spirit.  That is, until that moment –

Even if I wouldn’t have got called out… the Holy Spirit met me that night.  He met me right there in my pew, assuring me – He was Comforting me and Releasing me from the self-gratification demon that tormented me for 25 years.  Of course, 8-years later I’m finally getting it. 

So this morning, I’m thanking God – for NEVER leaving me nor forsaking me.

How is being “under grace” different than being “under law?”

I want for the things I cannot do on my own. The Law forgives me for after the fact. Grace enables me to overcome before I do.  Grace emits Life-Giving-Love and therefore I lose the desire to do the thing in the first place. With the Law, I desire to do it – therefore I do, and then I’m forgiven.


I’m realizing that the things that I want and desire are not a perversion. I want to be in a loving sold-out type of relationship that will lasts for 30+ years, in that relationship I want to be fully engaged sexually and intimately with that person. I want for those things and that is not bad. However, those thoughts have to flee from me now because I’m not in that relationship yet and by staying in those thoughts my desire to fulfill them will grow. So I have them, and I mean them – but I can’t stay in them and also stay in Righteousness.


I don’t want the roots to be alive. God has promised me that when His time has come, He will plant new plants in my soil (life). And that new plant (my husband) won’t have any foulness (sin) in Him. And in the courtship of that relationship – I will have all that I desire. I have to trust in-Him. I have to stay in-Christ.


Please keep me in prayer and I continue down this journey and battle the thoughts of my mind.  I pray increase Imageover your lives as you too sacrifice your desires and wants in order to apply the Word to your lives.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

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Day 39 – Freedom from Sin

How appropriate that today is the day I sit to compose a new post.  It’s been a difficult month in my absence, seeking the Lord and desiring whole-heartedly that He fill me with Himself and helps me to eradicate the sin that has been governing my life thus far.  During this process I have learned much about God and people and for those people that we rely on so much and believe every word that proceeds from their mouth – we will undoubtedly be disappointed by them at some point.  People were not created with the will of perfection no matter how hard we try, on our own, to accomplish it.  The various trials and choices we’ve made in our existence have left us all marked by sin.  

We have suffered much torment and loss in our choices, which always come with regret.  We’ve seen many people come and go out of our lives… for it has been said people are in our lives for one of three reasons – for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  When I build an acquaintanceship with someone and then a rapport with them – it’s always with the expectation that it will be a lifetime bond.  I have never really thought about the capacity of how God is using them to assist me in my life.  It’s always been a selfish desire to keep them with me forever, even though that may not be His plan for me.  

Scripture tells us to enjoy this moment and not plan for the future (Matt 6:34) for God has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11), but if we are not seeking the Kingdom of God (Matt 6:33) then we can’t live with this peace of not worrying.  It’s often hard to live in the moment and not wonder about how the relationships with others will go.  See the problem with dreaming about the future is that 1. we don’t know where the hearts of the other party are; there have been many times I created a future in my head – and when that didn’t happen I was disappointed), 2. God may present us/our relationship with a different direction but we’re too blinded by our own desires to see it (and it will be better for us, to get us to the dreams we hold within our heart), 3. We may miss the purpose of why the other party is in our life to begin with.

God closed a 5-year relationship during this course. It was hard to accept because I have learned so much Scripture from this man – and I didn’t want to see him leave from my life.  God has used him to strengthen me and to build me up in my knowledge and wisdom of the Word… but even during the past six months; God has used him to show me that He is in control of my life – like no man could be.  I now see how I looked upon this man to fill the god-role in my life and that was wrong and was inhabitation my growth in the Lord.  In short, this man became an idol over my God and not because that was the role the man superseded on me – but it was my own volition that gave him so much power.

During this period of my life I have been going through a testing (Zechariah 13:9); will I live up to that which I say I believe?  What are my convictions, my beliefs, and my statements of faith?  It’s been a journey, but as I turned toward God – I have witnessed many people carefully pruned out of my life (and those were the people I thought were lifers with me).  There were not pruned because they were doing anything wrong in some instances, but because I couldn’t grow spiritually with them in my life.  It’s sad, I am grieving these losses – but I am excited to be freed up to worship my God in the fashion that He set upon my heart.  

I’m very happy to get back to the me that I remember from days of old; but this time I have a lifetime of experience and wisdom to apply to my life.  This time God has provided for me – and is continuing to do so.  Before we can expect to grow spiritually – we must first examine the sin that holds us back from being who God created us to be.  The pivotal point is this – can you recognize your the characteristics of your sin?

From my lesson today – I thought this may be helpful for some.



Scripture teaches that we are to take specific action to be free from sin. Before we study that, consider the characteristics of those who are in sin, listed in the above passage:

  1. They do not submit to God (verse 7)
  2. They do not resist the devil (verse 7)
  3. They remain at a distance from God (verse 8)
  4. They have dirty hands and a defiled heart (verse 8)
  5. They are double-minded (verse 8)
  6. They are light and joking, and laugh much (verse 9)
  7. They are prideful (verse 10)

Transparent Time – 

1. My spirit was domineering and dictatorial, not submissive toward God or others.

2. I freely embraced self-gratification on many occasions, not realizing that in doing so I was worshiping at a demonic shrine (1 Cor. 10:20-21).

3. I was far from God, even though I claimed to be a servant of HIs.  My life illustrated (Proverbs 28:9):  “If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.”

4. My hands were dirty from all my sinful activity, and my heart was defiled all the time.  What a horrible condition in which to live!  Now I understand why Scripture compares sin to leprosy, for leprosy is a disease that defiles one entirely, and makes a person unclean.  My guilt and shame were so great that I banned myself from society as a whole and suffered in hiding.

5.  I was double-minded and unstable — when I attempted to pray and mediate on Scripture, my thoughts often slid elsewhere and I’d fall asleep.  This hindered time with family and friends, as I was always entertaining something in my dreams, my mind or my desires.  It made me unstable, for I could not keep my thoughts together on any one subject.  James says “That man (who doubts God) should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does”. (James 1:7-8)

6.  I was never very serious – I was course and ridged believing if I kept everyone else on heavy delineation and direction, it would take the focus off of my sinful ways.  This was a cover for my sinful ways; I tried to hide all my pain with sternness.

7. I was very pride filled and often put others down for not “making the mark”; as if I were somehow!

 But there is help and God is faithful and just to provide help to those who seek Him… Image

Specific Biblical Principles of Freedom of Sin

TRUTH 1:  “Submit yourselves, then, to God” (v7) Biblical submission means humbling ourselves and obeying God.

TRUTH 2:  “Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (v7).  To resist means to set yourself against someone or something, to stand in opposition to them.

TRUTH 3:  “Come near to God and He will come near to you” (v8).  There will be no real freedom, or any lasting victory in a life that does not seek closeness and union with Christ.

TRUTH 4:  “Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (v8).  We must cleanse what we do (our hands), what we love (our hearts), and what we think (our minds).  

TRUTH 5:  “Become single-minded” (v8).  Yes, it is possible to rid our minds of the things which serve to avail us – but doing so requires cutting off access to any additional images and cleansing our minds of the images that remain from the past.

TRUTH 6:  “Grieve, mourn and wail.  Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom” (v9).  Get serious, rid your life of flippancy, and mourn over your sin.  

TRUTH 7:  “Humble yourselves” (v10).  We are not an authority, go to an authority of the ‘church’ (body of Christ) and listen to their counsel.  Those who are serious about humbling themselves always find victory.  Indeed, the verse that tells us to humble ourselves continues “and He will lift you up” (v10)!

 Humbling myself was probably the hardest part for me – because I am after all a Type D personality type.  My boldness often turns to brashness and power turns to dictator.  For how could I be in a position of authority and not know what I’m doing?! But, I’ve since learned that the best leaders are the ones who are humble, for God sends us many people to help in our life’s work – and I can’t do everything, thus why I need a Savior.  God is the supreme Authority in my life – no one else, period.


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Day Seven – New Direction




Today I am tired.  I am phsyically resolute but my mind is drained.  I’m finding it difficult to concentrate, much less – write out a blog.  During my study this evening this sentance “Information is not the same as transformation.” stuck out to me.  Immediately I thought of an old friend of mine, who has all the facts and figures of Biblically history down – he can have an intelligent conversation on just about anything Bible related.  He’s a history buff too, so he can tell you all about that period in history when the accounts of the Bible took place.  He can do all that but, he’s without God.  He doesn’t have the power of the Holy Spirit with him.  I could never understand how or why, until tonight.  My friend  has never been transformed.

I am going through a tranformation.  I am learning the importance of convictions and having one’s own; it serves as a guidepost about how we look at life and our own lives.  Sin is the culprit but, without sin – how would we ever recognize the area’s of our lives that need addressed, renewed, transformed… 


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Day Six – Turning

What does it really mean to give something up?  We are in the Season of Lent and we hear people talking about what they are giving up… or as I like to call it fasting.  Because when we give something up, we are essentially turning away from it in order to not face it again, it’s about changing something we’re doing.  It’s literally doing the opposite.  Fasting is temporary but Giving Up is permanant.  

I’ve learned that if I want to change a part of my personality, then I have to be ready to do a 180 on it – and turning away from worldly things will put me front and center with the Word.  No doubt that Word is going to change me, because it’s so different than the words I’m used to hearing.  I’ve seen what the words spoken over me and to me have done thus far; I’m reminded of the Water Experiment (seen here).  “If our bodies are over 80% water, and words can do that to water – imagine what our words can do to us”, that’s the Hope i’m holding onto – the Power of Words.



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