Post Egypt

It was 1993 and I was offered the opportunity to visit Egypt with my school.  The class I took was World Cultures, and proved to be my favorite class in all my life.  We had studied ancient Egypt that year and I yearned to visit these structures that were built over 3,000 years and still standing.  This coupled with my post church-camp experience where I got to meet kids from all over that had a real personal relationship with god.  I was amazed at how something so old was still preserved.   Everything in my life that I saw, short of a few buildings were changing – the culture, the people, the fashion, and the way of the life… everything.  I couldn’t wait to visit the area where the language is still the same, the culture the same, the way of the life – clinging to their roots.  That trip never came, unfortunately.

From Cairo Tower

I grew in a Christian home – Christianity was far from us, as was the case in most people I knew.  If anything, the “church” as we knew it was more Christendom and Apostate.  I found myself discovering my life as an adult running away from this “god” as so was described to me into the world for answers.  As time passed, this dream of going to Egypt was covered by the nuances of life.

In 2009, I had an intimate experience with God -as you know.  I can never deny his supreme existence.  This transformed me.  I decided for the first time I would read the Holy Scripture, the entire way through.  Not just in reading it – but to read it and then apply these teaching to my life.  I started with John in the NT and read to Jude then the OT and just skipped Revelation because what am I going to do with someone else’s dream.  I wrote a summary for just about every chapter/book in the Bible.  How does this speak to my life?  And you know what, it did.  As I started to incorporate these teachings into my life – I started to be transformed (be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may be perfect and acceptable lacking nothing).

In my transformation, my mind was activated.  I wanted to learn more so I enrolled in school for bible study /namely a course that would lead to a BS in Theology with a concentration on the effects of Religion in the Culture.  It was an accelerated course, I would do 3 years.  At the crest of year two, I dropped out.  This was not at all what I needed; my heart was searching for God, not for Christianity.

I hadn’t thought much about the Middle East before.  Then 9/11 hit and there was so much news about it.  Prime time shows were non-existent for months.  Life here kinda just stopped as the people prepared themselves for war on US soil.  There were so many reports that came in but when you used your brain, the media reporting didn’t make any sense.  I’m pretty sure this was pre-Facebook… we had our cell phones, which by the way didn’t work for a few days.  Most people by this time didn’t have a LAN line.  It was really difficult.  Not a lot of work got done at work those days, as people were still trying to wrap their mind around what happened.  But one thing that did happen was there were many, many PowerPoint slides made up to support the retaliation into the Middle East regarding this situation.

I remember sitting there at work, and looking at the peoples compilations and thinking to myself – this doesn’t make any sense.  So I spend the next few months digging through information on line, and from sources in chat rooms to make sense of what had just happened in my country.  The research findings were devastating.  I learned that the powers that be, the powers that rule government, are playing chess with the world.  I have friend here in my city whose family is from Afghanistan, this is the far east of the Middle East, but it was something.

Downtown Cairo

Fast forward 2012… This was the year I had dropped out of school… to pursue the face of God.  A very dear friend of mine let me know he left apostate Christianity to learn Islam.  Now I had heard of Islam but really didn’t know anything about it.  When he said this to me, I immediately feared him.  This is what I had been taught.  It was wrong.  It went against everything I knew and everything I valued as a part of myself.  But I felt this discomfort in the pit of my stomach.  And I wanted it gone.  I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t going to read the bible and discover what it said for himself.

After reading the Quran and studying Islam for myself I think the people of any religion do themselves a grave injustice to not read the other holy books from their god.  I totally agree that some of the text has been changed and the meanings have been lost in the bible.  In my study I read many different versions in the bible – one line that is most disturbing is Matthew 18:22 NIV CEB now just between these two versions there is a big difference between seventy-seven (77) and seventy time seven (490).  So what is it?  The answer is more than you want to, and more than you think they deserve.

Furthermore, I read the Torah by English – and I learned there was information there that wasn’t brought into the bible’s OT.  Then I went back further and read the Septuagint which was the original Greek of the OT and found books I never heard before and again, read these and found nothing in the bibles OT.  So, why were these books not placed in the bible as being a part of the OT or the history of the lineage of David?  And why, beyond the language itself, why is the translation lost?

You really have to understand the reason behind the bible in order to appreciate the bible.  The bible was compiled to help

Downtown Cairo

the people of god to understand the way through the walk/life of Jesus.  The bible isn’t historical fact data.  The bible is comprised of two parts, the first part OT being most of the Torah and the second part the NT being post Jesus.  All messengers from god were given to the people as a means of delivering the way of life – or the way to a successful life, form god.  There are three religions that fell out of the descendants of Abraham.  By means of the Bible, we are told that Ishmael his first son by Hagar the Egyptian Maid-servant came Islam… and from Isaac his second son by way of his wife Sarah came the Israelites later known as the Jewish – and from the lineage of King David we have Jesus, a Jew.  The Christian is merely the people that follow the way of the Christ, Jesus.

So what was the religion before Abraham?  What were the religious practices at the time, and what was Abraham practicing and how was he raising his family?  I have been actively researching the way of life in regards to worship and prayer to god from Adam to Abraham.  In my studies, I have been trying to find the 1-path to god.  Hamdulliah I’m finally on my way.  I have been reading the Quran for about eight months, during that time – I worked two jobs for five months in order to save the funds I needed to depart from my home for 1-month.  Much to say I didn’t have much time to read.  What I have read so far though, has demonstrated to me the way to stay in the way of the god.  You see the bible brought me to god.  It taught the way to god, and the way to accepting the good and making the right choices in my life.  The Quran I find is giving me the specific instruction on how to live the life.

My rebellious Americanism fights me on this sometimes – but I serve god not this country.  My god is more important to me than myself.  The bible tells me I will be in daily battles with my mind; the Quran tells me how to be successful in these battles.  I understand how people fear what they don’t know, I did this.  I want to create an atmosphere where people can learn and grow together so that they can see that their religions essentially are the same.  We get so caught up in diving ourselves rather than coming together in love.

I made it to Egypt.  I sat on the cleft of a rock at the pyramids, with god.  I opened my phone and read the Holy Scriptures out loud as I looked out into the sand… then Giza for as far as my eyes could see… and I prayed to my god the words that he gave me, المو منون

I’m pretty sure I was in love with Egypt before I got there, but being there just solidified it.  My most intimate desire, other than educating people, is to live in a place where sex is not the object.  I found this in Egypt.  I found a lifestyle that supported the family, that all people are kind and considerate and helpful.  A way of life, although having its flaws – is a lot different than the way here.

My friends tell me it’s because I found my soul in Egypt.  And while this is true, I don’t know how I would have felt in Egypt alone because I was with a native – which I’m in love with.  Life here is so different, it’s clean and it’s roomy.  All things here are easy and our government has rules that help the children and the people overcome their current circumstances in the life.  But the mindset of the Egyptian people mirrored my religion – and that has caused me to want to study their religion all the deeper.  I want to be a faithful servant of god; I want to submit all my being to his way… I cling to my friends from the Middle East to give me accurate information regarding the life there.  I have friends displaced because of daesh/ISIS, I have friends still living in Syria and in Iraq.  Chat Rooms have afforded me the opportunity to speak with people in Palestine in Israel in Jordan in Egypt in Iran in Iraq in Syria in Saudi in UAE – who tell me their perspective of the way of life for them.

I have found, everywhere in the world there are apostate people… in all religions.  I have found that people hurt the same way about the same stuff no matter where they are from.  One can be in the Middle of the East in a culture that supports faith and still find oneself alone and a part from the god.  You can be in the middle of America where everything is at your disposal but still lack something deep in your heart.  And you can find this, and then you find peace.

6th October City

It doesn’t matter where we are, where we live… God is with you.  God is a god of order, not chaos, not fear, not condemnation.  He is a god of peace, of protection and of wisdom… and he will impart these things to do, if you take the time to seek him.  I have found my way that I cannot live in this world without my god – I trust that every path is a path he is walking with me, guiding me and helping me when I fail him.  And my cry today is that everyone will take the time to learn about the things that fear them, so we can grow together in love.

 

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Day 39 – Freedom from Sin

How appropriate that today is the day I sit to compose a new post.  It’s been a difficult month in my absence, seeking the Lord and desiring whole-heartedly that He fill me with Himself and helps me to eradicate the sin that has been governing my life thus far.  During this process I have learned much about God and people and for those people that we rely on so much and believe every word that proceeds from their mouth – we will undoubtedly be disappointed by them at some point.  People were not created with the will of perfection no matter how hard we try, on our own, to accomplish it.  The various trials and choices we’ve made in our existence have left us all marked by sin.  

We have suffered much torment and loss in our choices, which always come with regret.  We’ve seen many people come and go out of our lives… for it has been said people are in our lives for one of three reasons – for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  When I build an acquaintanceship with someone and then a rapport with them – it’s always with the expectation that it will be a lifetime bond.  I have never really thought about the capacity of how God is using them to assist me in my life.  It’s always been a selfish desire to keep them with me forever, even though that may not be His plan for me.  

Scripture tells us to enjoy this moment and not plan for the future (Matt 6:34) for God has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11), but if we are not seeking the Kingdom of God (Matt 6:33) then we can’t live with this peace of not worrying.  It’s often hard to live in the moment and not wonder about how the relationships with others will go.  See the problem with dreaming about the future is that 1. we don’t know where the hearts of the other party are; there have been many times I created a future in my head – and when that didn’t happen I was disappointed), 2. God may present us/our relationship with a different direction but we’re too blinded by our own desires to see it (and it will be better for us, to get us to the dreams we hold within our heart), 3. We may miss the purpose of why the other party is in our life to begin with.

God closed a 5-year relationship during this course. It was hard to accept because I have learned so much Scripture from this man – and I didn’t want to see him leave from my life.  God has used him to strengthen me and to build me up in my knowledge and wisdom of the Word… but even during the past six months; God has used him to show me that He is in control of my life – like no man could be.  I now see how I looked upon this man to fill the god-role in my life and that was wrong and was inhabitation my growth in the Lord.  In short, this man became an idol over my God and not because that was the role the man superseded on me – but it was my own volition that gave him so much power.

During this period of my life I have been going through a testing (Zechariah 13:9); will I live up to that which I say I believe?  What are my convictions, my beliefs, and my statements of faith?  It’s been a journey, but as I turned toward God – I have witnessed many people carefully pruned out of my life (and those were the people I thought were lifers with me).  There were not pruned because they were doing anything wrong in some instances, but because I couldn’t grow spiritually with them in my life.  It’s sad, I am grieving these losses – but I am excited to be freed up to worship my God in the fashion that He set upon my heart.  

I’m very happy to get back to the me that I remember from days of old; but this time I have a lifetime of experience and wisdom to apply to my life.  This time God has provided for me – and is continuing to do so.  Before we can expect to grow spiritually – we must first examine the sin that holds us back from being who God created us to be.  The pivotal point is this – can you recognize your the characteristics of your sin?

From my lesson today – I thought this may be helpful for some.

 

SUBMIT YOURSELVES, THEN, TO GOD. RESIST THE DEVIL, AND HE WILL FLEE FROM YOU. COME NEAR TO GOD AND HE WILL COME NEAR TO YOU. WASH YOUR HANDS, YOU SINNERS, AND PURIFY YOUR HEARTS, YOU DOUBLE-MINDED. GRIEVE, MOURN AND WAIL. CHANGE YOUR LAUGHTER TO MOURNING AND YOUR JOY TO GLOOM. HUMBLE YOURSELVES BEFORE THE LORD, AND HE WILL LIFT YOU UP. James 4:7-10

Scripture teaches that we are to take specific action to be free from sin. Before we study that, consider the characteristics of those who are in sin, listed in the above passage:

1. They do not submit to God (verse 7)
2. They do not resist the devil (verse 7)
3. They remain at a distance from God (verse 8)
4. They have dirty hands and a defiled heart (verse 8)
5. They are double-minded (verse 8)
6. They are light and joking, and laugh much (verse 9)
7. They are prideful (verse 10)

Transparent Time – 

1. My spirit was domineering and dictatorial, not submissive toward God or others.

2. I freely embraced self-gratification on many occasions, not realizing that in doing so I was worshiping at a demonic shrine (1 Cor. 10:20-21).

3. I was far from God, even though I claimed to be a servant of HIs.  My life illustrated (Proverbs 28:9):  “If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.”

4. My hands were dirty from all my sinful activity, and my heart was defiled all the time.  What a horrible condition in which to live!  Now I understand why Scripture compares sin to leprosy, for leprosy is a disease that defiles one entirely, and makes a person unclean.  My guilt and shame were so great that I banned myself from society as a whole and suffered in hiding.

5.  I was double-minded and unstable — when I attempted to pray and mediate on Scripture, my thoughts often slid elsewhere and I’d fall asleep.  This hindered time with family and friends, as I was always entertaining something in my dreams, my mind or my desires.  It made me unstable, for I could not keep my thoughts together on any one subject.  James says “That man (who doubts God) should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does”. (James 1:7-8)

6.  I was never very serious – I was course and ridged believing if I kept everyone else on heavy delineation and direction, it would take the focus off of my sinful ways.  This was a cover for my sinful ways; I tried to hide all my pain with sternness.

7. I was very pride filled and often put others down for not “making the mark”; as if I were somehow!

 But there is help and God is faithful and just to provide help to those who seek Him… 

Specific Biblical Principles of Freedom of Sin

TRUTH 1:  “Submit yourselves, then, to God” (v7) Biblical submission means humbling ourselves and obeying God.

TRUTH 2:  “Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (v7).  To resist means to set yourself against someone or something, to stand in opposition to them.

TRUTH 3:  “Come near to God and He will come near to you” (v8).  There will be no real freedom, or any lasting victory in a life that does not seek closeness and union with Christ.

TRUTH 4:  “Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (v8).  We must cleanse what we do (our hands), what we love (our hearts), and what we think (our minds).  

TRUTH 5:  “Become single-minded” (v8).  Yes, it is possible to rid our minds of the things which serve to avail us – but doing so requires cutting off access to any additional images and cleansing our minds of the images that remain from the past.

TRUTH 6:  “Grieve, mourn and wail.  Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom” (v9).  Get serious, rid your life of flippancy, and mourn over your sin.  

TRUTH 7:  “Humble yourselves” (v10).  We are not an authority, go to an authority of the ‘church’ (body of Christ) and listen to their counsel.  Those who are serious about humbling themselves always find victory.  Indeed, the verse that tells us to humble ourselves continues “and He will lift you up” (v10)!

 Humbling myself was probably the hardest part for me – because I am after all a Type D personality type.  My boldness often turns to brashness and power turns to dictator.  For how could I be in a position of authority and not know what I’m doing?! But, I’ve since learned that the best leaders are the ones who are humble, for God sends us many people to help in our life’s work – and I can’t do everything, thus why I need a Savior.  God is the supreme Authority in my life – no one else, period.

 

5.5.13

Today is Sunday May 5, this morning I was informed about Brother Butchs passing.  I remember him from the first time I attended the church; I was comforted by the color of his skin.  That sounds racist and it is, but what I know now that I did not know  then was that the previous ministry that occupied those walls was very racist.  They were a black church and they intended to stay a black church; praise Him that my God doesn’t see color!  

My first time of walking into the sanctuary was bitter-sweet.  Instantly what I saw with my naked eye comforted my long awaited acceptance from my peers and elders… but, my spirit felt disgusted and unwelcomed.  Back then, I was still permitting my natural self to dictate the choices I made.  So I ignored my spirit and stayed in that church because of the brief moment of total acceptance that I saw with my natural eye.

Visually that morning what I saw was the Pastor front and center with Jeans, Sneaks and a Steeler’s Jersey on… He was a younger preacher, younger than what I was used to.  His smile was wide and his eyes were soft.  The old school church, I was accustomed to, harshly judged my generation and never took the time to get to know us.  They indulged in judgment all the while judging us from a distance, unable to hear that we were preaching the same Message; when I saw the pastor dressed that way on Super bowl Sunday 2006 – I said to myself “He gets it”. 

He gets it has come to mean so much more than I could see on that day.  I see how the seed that was sown that day has blossomed into a full tree.  My pastor said a while back that he was going to pour into me… and I nodded but couldn’t see it.  I now see the Agape Love in action and I acknowledge the Word of God on my life, everyday in all I do.  My God is always with me, He doesn’t abandon me, He stays close and guides me.  My pastor is a lot like that.  My pastor is a pure reflection of Gods’ Love.

God confirmed something to me that day in 2006, in my spirit.  The Lord gave me peace-filled permission that I could stop searching.  That this place was going to completely restore me.   The sanctuary was filled with smiling faces and warm embraces but the depth was insincere.  I was on the outside of the clique from day one I felt it.  Uneasiness overtook me it had been eight months of trying to penetrate the circle relentlessly, and then, I gave up.  I started searching all over again for a church with people that were sincere.  I felt that white people and black people are all the same – arrogant, ignorant and disloyal.  If they weren’t even going to abide in the doctrine they professed to believe – how did I ever feel they were going to accept and welcome me, I got what I could from that experience and decided to move on.

February 2012 I felt the Lords pull on me to go back.  To go back to the church and the direct spiritual authority of the Pastor, this time, not only go back but also to deliver a message.  I was welcomed back with the same open arms and was tucked in during the Word I had to deliver.  I found myself attending weekly services and even trying to make Bible Study but wasn’t able to form any connections with any one person.  I recognized a lot of the same people but still – I was on the outside. 

Armed with additional knowledge of the Word and a maturing spirit I refused to leave.  I spoke with the Pastor about the things that were lying heavy on my heart and chose to again find a church that had something I thought I needed.  Last summer I was busy with many family visits out of town most weekends and I drifted from a church that didn’t even care I was gone.  Not one person reached out, except pastor on facebook.

I was out there and I was doing ministry.  I was engaging with local Christians and I had an opportunity to participate in a Bible Study with people my age.  God had been telling me that my search was for void, that, that wasn’t where He was guiding me.  But, I was searching and continued to ignore Him.  I’ve been ignoring His Voice in my head for some time now – and now with the passing of Brother Butch and the Word the Lord gave me to deliver to his wife… I am confident that the Lord wouldn’t fill my spirit with His anointing if He didn’t want me to use it.

–It’s now 15 months since my return and God has come full circle.  Brother Butch was in church a few weeks ago.  The same smile I remembered from way back when.  His eyes glistening, the calm smile I remember from 2006 greeted me once again.  Seven years later and I remember it as if it were yesterday.

My gifting is advancing – I hear the Word that God has for me to deliver.  I heard the Voice of God in my spirit on Friday morning, just two days ago.  It was a Word for both Brother Butch and sister Lorraine.  For 45 minutes I spoke the Word I heard – it was heavy in my spirit and He instructed me to go and visit them and share it with them.  I didn’t.  I defied the Word of God, again.

I tried to understand the message I was given to deliver, I tried to put it together but I didn’t have all the information to do so.  It wasn’t my place to understand I was simply the messenger.  I still question why God choose me to do this very important task.  I’ve never been very good at submission – and therein lies the point.  The lesson in this season is to obey the Word of the Lord.

I felt another message in my spirit this morning; I thought I knew who it belonged to, but apparently not.  I didn’t see that person walk through the doors so I chose not to share it with the congregation – Pastor asked me after service, he said he felt the nudge in his spirit – the Spirit of God moving through me.  I continue to second guess myself. 

After sitting on the porch with my family at Sister Lorraine’s; I realized that my authority comes from God who continues to confirm to me that I am hearing from Him; and my gifting will grow the more I use it.  Let not my natural self guide me; instead, listen to the Voice inside.

I didn’t know Brother Butch in life, but the Holy Spirit told me he would be in heaven.  The Holy Ghost showed me the spirit of a woman saying “I am here, at Heaven’s Gate waiting for you; your arrival is coming soon, and I am here waiting”.  Death eludes me.  And it comes in the passing-over of a spiritual brother our faith is made stronger.  I am glad that God brought me to Morning Star Ministries – I’m glad that I witnessed the overflow of the hand of God on Brother Butch’s life.  I’m filled with Joy to know that the people that I couldn’t connect with before, are now the people I most treasure.  My spiritual family.

Thanksgiving

This year we celebrated Thanksgiving twice, but the real celebration was last evening (Saturday).  Last year my sister moved out of state and so she doesn’t get home very often.  Her entire family came, my brother and his entire family came and my parents; back to the old homestead.

Dad deepfried a turkey and mom baked one the traditional way.  Dad made homemade french fries in the peanut oil mom made mashed and sweet potatoes.  We had brocholi casserole, and the rest of the fixins. I recently found out I’m right there at having diabetes… in fact I could have it but I claim it NOT!

The turkeys

I’ve been overweight for at least a decade now and its never hit me when the food is in front of me, pumpkin pie – pumpkin gobs – sugar cookies – mini tartlets – jello salad… yum!  This morning I woke up hungry… I could have really enjoyed some cold stuffing and pie; but I want to live!

Mini fruit tartlets

The quest started… I knew I could find something healthy in the storeage house of comfort food.  Skimming through the k-cups I found sweet tea, perfect ill drink it warm (no need to add honey – its sweet) added more hot water.  Ok now for some oatmeal.  Yesterday I opened a package of low sugar oatmeal and added crasins and rasins it was the best I ever had.  This morning there were no little bags but I found the canisiter which is used for baking… so I heated the water in the kerug, placed my bowl underneath and filled it up. 

Couldn’t find any rasins but I came across some prunes (I like figs so I must like prunes, right?); added some of them and a dash of salt… and a spoonful into the mouth.

Its truly the worst oatmeal I’ve ever had!  I’m going to try my best to eat some of it.  Its a scary thing knowing you’ve allowed your health to get so out of wack that diseases are trying to take over ur body.  I believe that God the Creator of the world has created me in His image and in His likeness and I too can create my world.

I believe that though His power that He willingly gives to me throught my belief in His Son Jesus… I too can create things.  I can create a new shell (body) for my soul in perfection.  I can create an environment of health and prosperity in my life by what I allow myself to be surrounded by. 

Its hard being away from your personal elements where you have total control over ur surroundings but, where there is a diligant attitide and persistance there is victory.  So this Thanksgiving I praise Jesus for giving me victory over my circumstances!  Victory over bad eating habits.  Victory over laziness.  Victory over stubborness.  And I bless Him for creating me:-)

Blessing Him for creating my family.  Its been a hard road – so many pridefilled moments; but we all made it through… and we are all deliriously happy with each day of our lives.  With the people we were called to love and the children in our family. 

And my parents have demonstrated unconditional love to us; at times we didn’t understand – we couldn’t comprehend, but now as adults we are starting to see how wonderful it can be to be completely sold out on Love. 

As much as a struggle it can be, keeping faithful to a better me is very important – so that I can be around for many more memories. 

Sugar Cookies

   

Happy Thanksgiving to You!