To be, or not to be.

-I’ve, like most people on the planet, have spent a significant amount of time pondering the famous quote; “To be, or not to be”.  Often we add onto that… ‘What is the meaning of life?’… to the resolve of, ‘Where do I fit, what’s my place?’.  There’s never really a definitive answer to that… because we never fully arrive.  The world is constantly moving and changing and we are constantly evolving in this world through time.  Life isn’t a destination – it’s a journey.  The struggleA-lamp-unto-my-feet-e1355345544213s that we face, the education we receive, the stories that we hear and share… the world around us and our perception of that world makes us who we are.  As we continue in life, we learn that everyone has their own journey – their own story.  And there isn’t any journey that is more needed – we all have our place, we are all needed… but how to ‘be’… are we walking out our Divine Destiny?  

Every human on the planet has an intrinsic Voice deep in their soul that guides them through their journey.  Sometimes we listen to the Voice and sometimes we do not, nevertheless – It is always present.  The more we consult with the Voice – the more freedom we have in BEING someone of value to this life.  The more we shun the Voice within – the more imprisoned we become to our BEING.  Darkness has existed on the face of the deep for the all eternity.  Shall we really believe it does not impart itself into our lives?  The self-doubt, the worry, the anxiousness, the confusion have always existed in this world… they are a part of the physical reality.  However the Voice continues to manifest in order to free us from the bondage of solitude and despair that keep us from ‘BEING’.

Nike adopted the slogan “Just do it.” (R) from famous quote.  Their marketing showcased the potential we all have if we just act upon the thoughts that we carry inside.  They encouraged us to just start, start sharing – talk about the things we carry inside and allow life to unfold our story.  The only way TO BE is through an action.  Without action we cannot start the motion that will carry out the BE.  

For anything to happen it must first be a thought.  Then that thought must be spoken.  Once it is spoken, it is cannot return and be undone.  We must chose to be diligent to that thought and see the actions through so that it can be completed.  This process is the epitome of TO BE – and becomes our journey.

For me, I’m constantly second-guessing the course I’m on instead of allowing the story to unfold.  I question whether or not I’m suffocating the Voice or I’m submitting.  I have learned in the submission is when my life is full of Life and Wonder and Light – and the momentum continues… and continues until Fear stops it.  Resting in the security of my God gives me strength to know that all that is good and true, comes from Him.  He promises to help me through my journey, for I am His creation and He wills for me to succeed in all I do.10524725_10203450473276783_5011270578466043067_n

He placed deep inside of me a love for all peoples.  I didn’t always submit to the Voice within and chose a different path… and as a result, I suffered much in this  As I started to learn submission, I adopted Victory over the darkness.  I try very hard to understand the why’s of people think as they do – their history of a people, their experiences and their journey.  Compassion and empathy enter my being as I reflect on their struggle.  I open myself up to being influenced, in part, as the rapport is established, and as a result I evolve into a new me.  I pray that God keeps the doors open that He wills for me to walk through and closes the doors that are not from Him.  

I’ve lost a lot of time in my life choosing the wrong doors… and I bless and thank Him for the lit pathways and open doors.  He is my God and I am His people… and I am BEING who He created me to be.


Christian above all else?

So I’ve been watching CNN Headline News for the past 10-days or so… and one thing I’m starting to realize is that the “common” people of the world are the same no matter where ya live.

In America we have Gangs who want a world with no rules.  In foreign countries they also have Gangs… or terrorist cells called Extremists.  

In America we have Coalition Groups who advocate their points through rallies, demonstrations and public forum meetings.  In foreign countries they also have Coalitions Groups who force their points through bombings, government manipulation and media.

In America we feel defeated and feel defeated to make any real change happen through persuasion of government.  In foreign countries they use force and violence to force their opinions.

If American gangs weren’t so prideful and actually banded together – would they look THAT much different than ISIS?

Is it even po10524725_10203450473276783_5011270578466043067_nssible to band together in whatever profession we find ourselves in and salute our God over and before any immorality of the job duties and/or government entity?  Why can’t American Christians unite and form a bond with our Savior above all else?  Can we not understand the Change that could be made world-wide with that kind of bond?  Instead of a militia group causing violence world-wide, we would be the peace-bringers of the World… but we cannot get past our own selfish pride… how then do we separate ourselves that much differently from those that commissioned and then built the Temple of Jupiter Belus?

As I learn more about these cells (usually of terror) I see that they are fighting on behalf of how they perceive their religion to be.  I’ve been researching the Islamic faith and during that process I have to admit that I feel very bad for Ishmael.  I have lived most of my life thus far, outside of the Grace of God… and I have seen how sin has destroyed many parts of my life.  Understanding how culture can have a very severe affect on our lives and the choices we make.  How sad for the decedents of Ishmael to have been subjected to years and years of Pagan principles… and to hear first hand from Muslims in the middle east – a direct correlation between Gods Word and the sin that affected the teaching therein.

We are called as Christians to stand-tall in the sandstorms of life and persevere through any circumstances, standing firm on the Word of God to Love Him above all else and to love others the same way.  So why then as a Christian do I cower at the mere announcement of Righteousness on my job?  Why am I so fear-ridden that I cannot bear the iniquity of standing fast – in partnership – with Christ regardless of my circumstances?  

How much of a hypocrite am I if I allow the worlds view cloud my allegiance to the Most High?

Day 146 – Living Out Love

It’s that moment when you realize that you are a disciple of the Most High God just by living out your life; unashamed, liberated and free.

I’ve been just walking along, day to day – trying to make better decisions, more often. I have seen much growth in myself over the past few months. My walk in the Lord has been increasing and His confidence has been moving through me. After all of this praying and pleading with Him, God has finally softened my heart so that I could hear His teaching. It’s been such an exhilarating experience. I haven’t conquered all my demons but I do put in work in order to someday have dominion over all of them. With each battle, my endurance grows and patience is strengthened.

My Hope is in the Lord, therefore even though I am weak in arena’s of my life – my God will create a straight path for me to follow. I must stay focused on His Truth in order to effectively heed His Word. I am created a Victor by my Creator. He formed my heart, before even time began – my life was in His hand. Therefore, my Hope rests in the Lord, who will impart Wisdom as needed. I am humbled by His Grace, in all things I do for His Glory. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work with us.” …The battle is the Lords, I fight His cause “For the LORD God is a sun and shield, the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk with integrity.”

Minister Ray spoke a lot today about the life of Paul. One of the things he spoke today was that Living Out Grace can only be accomplished when we have made the solid commitment to allow God to reign supreme in our hearts… so that each battle we fight, will be in His name. This is how I know that I cannot be defeated, because God cannot be defeated. It is my faith, that I am the Living, Breathing Word of God incarnate in the flesh… The Word gives me this Wisdom and my Elpis comes by Faith.

I am reminded about Blessings that Overflow – blessings that touch your life because my life touches your life. I become an instrument played by God. “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good seed.”

My friend is preparing for battle today. He will enter into the manifold of wickedness in two days time, I pray that the Lord, our God cover him and shield him to victory! His heart is the Lords… Gods Spirit is Alive within him… His gifting has brought him before great men – and I have the certain faith that God will work though him a good and complete work because of his self-denying obedience.

Preparing my mind for the Work of the Lord – keeping focused on what David said – The Lord is my Rock and my Fortress and my Deliverer. My God, my Rock, in whom I take refuge; my Shield and the Horn of my Salvation, my Stronghold. I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised and I am saved from my enemies.

When you live your life from an Eternal Perspective… to live out what we believe. Define what we believe. Encourage others through our beliefs… it’s an exhilarating journey. Full of trials and lessons but acknowledging the privilege that God would allow me to serve Him, makes it all worth-while.


Day 43 – Romans 6

So in spending time with God this morning He brought to mind the night that I met the Holy Spirit.  You know, I’ve come to realize the Holy Spirit met me a lot sooner than I realized. 

I had been seeking God for a few years before then.  I mean I grew up in the church but I never really comprehended my role in Gods family… I did have an actual example to follow – and my church really wasn’t trying to conceptualize Scripture for me.  My connection with God was (almost) innate.  Deep in my heart I believed that God existed but what I didn’t understand was Him in action.  They said He was alive… but I didn’t feel Him alive in my life. 

Now that I feel Him alive in every aspect of my life I realize… the Holy Spirit met me in my pew that night.  It wasn’t on the walk to the front, it wasn’t during the Words God was speaking to me; it wasn’t in the car ride over to the church.  The Holy Spirit met me in my pew when I, during worship, stopped singing and whispered to God, “I want You in my life, I want to feel You, and I know You are alive – Help me! Please Lord God!” … and then in my spirit in my mind I continued to beg Him to show Himself to me so that I could finally be assured in believing…

And that’s when I was called out… and asked to come to the front, because God had a message for me.  For me.  And in that journey to the front – I continued to beg God – “Let me feel what I’m supposed to feel, let me feel that You are here with me, let me know please Lord, Help me.”  It was so emotional because I knew (deep down in my spirit) that God was going to answer this prayer.  I knew He was real – but my mind continued to dominate my spirit.  That is, until that moment –

Even if I wouldn’t have got called out… the Holy Spirit met me that night.  He met me right there in my pew, assuring me – He was Comforting me and Releasing me from the self-gratification demon that tormented me for 25 years.  Of course, 8-years later I’m finally getting it. 

So this morning, I’m thanking God – for NEVER leaving me nor forsaking me.

How is being “under grace” different than being “under law?”

I want for the things I cannot do on my own. The Law forgives me for after the fact. Grace enables me to overcome before I do.  Grace emits Life-Giving-Love and therefore I lose the desire to do the thing in the first place. With the Law, I desire to do it – therefore I do, and then I’m forgiven.


I’m realizing that the things that I want and desire are not a perversion. I want to be in a loving sold-out type of relationship that will lasts for 30+ years, in that relationship I want to be fully engaged sexually and intimately with that person. I want for those things and that is not bad. However, those thoughts have to flee from me now because I’m not in that relationship yet and by staying in those thoughts my desire to fulfill them will grow. So I have them, and I mean them – but I can’t stay in them and also stay in Righteousness.


I don’t want the roots to be alive. God has promised me that when His time has come, He will plant new plants in my soil (life). And that new plant (my husband) won’t have any foulness (sin) in Him. And in the courtship of that relationship – I will have all that I desire. I have to trust in-Him. I have to stay in-Christ.


Please keep me in prayer and I continue down this journey and battle the thoughts of my mind.  I pray increase Imageover your lives as you too sacrifice your desires and wants in order to apply the Word to your lives.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

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Day 39 – Freedom from Sin

How appropriate that today is the day I sit to compose a new post.  It’s been a difficult month in my absence, seeking the Lord and desiring whole-heartedly that He fill me with Himself and helps me to eradicate the sin that has been governing my life thus far.  During this process I have learned much about God and people and for those people that we rely on so much and believe every word that proceeds from their mouth – we will undoubtedly be disappointed by them at some point.  People were not created with the will of perfection no matter how hard we try, on our own, to accomplish it.  The various trials and choices we’ve made in our existence have left us all marked by sin.  

We have suffered much torment and loss in our choices, which always come with regret.  We’ve seen many people come and go out of our lives… for it has been said people are in our lives for one of three reasons – for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  When I build an acquaintanceship with someone and then a rapport with them – it’s always with the expectation that it will be a lifetime bond.  I have never really thought about the capacity of how God is using them to assist me in my life.  It’s always been a selfish desire to keep them with me forever, even though that may not be His plan for me.  

Scripture tells us to enjoy this moment and not plan for the future (Matt 6:34) for God has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11), but if we are not seeking the Kingdom of God (Matt 6:33) then we can’t live with this peace of not worrying.  It’s often hard to live in the moment and not wonder about how the relationships with others will go.  See the problem with dreaming about the future is that 1. we don’t know where the hearts of the other party are; there have been many times I created a future in my head – and when that didn’t happen I was disappointed), 2. God may present us/our relationship with a different direction but we’re too blinded by our own desires to see it (and it will be better for us, to get us to the dreams we hold within our heart), 3. We may miss the purpose of why the other party is in our life to begin with.

God closed a 5-year relationship during this course. It was hard to accept because I have learned so much Scripture from this man – and I didn’t want to see him leave from my life.  God has used him to strengthen me and to build me up in my knowledge and wisdom of the Word… but even during the past six months; God has used him to show me that He is in control of my life – like no man could be.  I now see how I looked upon this man to fill the god-role in my life and that was wrong and was inhabitation my growth in the Lord.  In short, this man became an idol over my God and not because that was the role the man superseded on me – but it was my own volition that gave him so much power.

During this period of my life I have been going through a testing (Zechariah 13:9); will I live up to that which I say I believe?  What are my convictions, my beliefs, and my statements of faith?  It’s been a journey, but as I turned toward God – I have witnessed many people carefully pruned out of my life (and those were the people I thought were lifers with me).  There were not pruned because they were doing anything wrong in some instances, but because I couldn’t grow spiritually with them in my life.  It’s sad, I am grieving these losses – but I am excited to be freed up to worship my God in the fashion that He set upon my heart.  

I’m very happy to get back to the me that I remember from days of old; but this time I have a lifetime of experience and wisdom to apply to my life.  This time God has provided for me – and is continuing to do so.  Before we can expect to grow spiritually – we must first examine the sin that holds us back from being who God created us to be.  The pivotal point is this – can you recognize your the characteristics of your sin?

From my lesson today – I thought this may be helpful for some.



Scripture teaches that we are to take specific action to be free from sin. Before we study that, consider the characteristics of those who are in sin, listed in the above passage:

  1. They do not submit to God (verse 7)
  2. They do not resist the devil (verse 7)
  3. They remain at a distance from God (verse 8)
  4. They have dirty hands and a defiled heart (verse 8)
  5. They are double-minded (verse 8)
  6. They are light and joking, and laugh much (verse 9)
  7. They are prideful (verse 10)

Transparent Time – 

1. My spirit was domineering and dictatorial, not submissive toward God or others.

2. I freely embraced self-gratification on many occasions, not realizing that in doing so I was worshiping at a demonic shrine (1 Cor. 10:20-21).

3. I was far from God, even though I claimed to be a servant of HIs.  My life illustrated (Proverbs 28:9):  “If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable.”

4. My hands were dirty from all my sinful activity, and my heart was defiled all the time.  What a horrible condition in which to live!  Now I understand why Scripture compares sin to leprosy, for leprosy is a disease that defiles one entirely, and makes a person unclean.  My guilt and shame were so great that I banned myself from society as a whole and suffered in hiding.

5.  I was double-minded and unstable — when I attempted to pray and mediate on Scripture, my thoughts often slid elsewhere and I’d fall asleep.  This hindered time with family and friends, as I was always entertaining something in my dreams, my mind or my desires.  It made me unstable, for I could not keep my thoughts together on any one subject.  James says “That man (who doubts God) should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does”. (James 1:7-8)

6.  I was never very serious – I was course and ridged believing if I kept everyone else on heavy delineation and direction, it would take the focus off of my sinful ways.  This was a cover for my sinful ways; I tried to hide all my pain with sternness.

7. I was very pride filled and often put others down for not “making the mark”; as if I were somehow!

 But there is help and God is faithful and just to provide help to those who seek Him… Image

Specific Biblical Principles of Freedom of Sin

TRUTH 1:  “Submit yourselves, then, to God” (v7) Biblical submission means humbling ourselves and obeying God.

TRUTH 2:  “Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (v7).  To resist means to set yourself against someone or something, to stand in opposition to them.

TRUTH 3:  “Come near to God and He will come near to you” (v8).  There will be no real freedom, or any lasting victory in a life that does not seek closeness and union with Christ.

TRUTH 4:  “Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (v8).  We must cleanse what we do (our hands), what we love (our hearts), and what we think (our minds).  

TRUTH 5:  “Become single-minded” (v8).  Yes, it is possible to rid our minds of the things which serve to avail us – but doing so requires cutting off access to any additional images and cleansing our minds of the images that remain from the past.

TRUTH 6:  “Grieve, mourn and wail.  Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom” (v9).  Get serious, rid your life of flippancy, and mourn over your sin.  

TRUTH 7:  “Humble yourselves” (v10).  We are not an authority, go to an authority of the ‘church’ (body of Christ) and listen to their counsel.  Those who are serious about humbling themselves always find victory.  Indeed, the verse that tells us to humble ourselves continues “and He will lift you up” (v10)!

 Humbling myself was probably the hardest part for me – because I am after all a Type D personality type.  My boldness often turns to brashness and power turns to dictator.  For how could I be in a position of authority and not know what I’m doing?! But, I’ve since learned that the best leaders are the ones who are humble, for God sends us many people to help in our life’s work – and I can’t do everything, thus why I need a Savior.  God is the supreme Authority in my life – no one else, period.


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Day Seven – New Direction




Today I am tired.  I am phsyically resolute but my mind is drained.  I’m finding it difficult to concentrate, much less – write out a blog.  During my study this evening this sentance “Information is not the same as transformation.” stuck out to me.  Immediately I thought of an old friend of mine, who has all the facts and figures of Biblically history down – he can have an intelligent conversation on just about anything Bible related.  He’s a history buff too, so he can tell you all about that period in history when the accounts of the Bible took place.  He can do all that but, he’s without God.  He doesn’t have the power of the Holy Spirit with him.  I could never understand how or why, until tonight.  My friend  has never been transformed.

I am going through a tranformation.  I am learning the importance of convictions and having one’s own; it serves as a guidepost about how we look at life and our own lives.  Sin is the culprit but, without sin – how would we ever recognize the area’s of our lives that need addressed, renewed, transformed… 


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Day Six – Turning

What does it really mean to give something up?  We are in the Season of Lent and we hear people talking about what they are giving up… or as I like to call it fasting.  Because when we give something up, we are essentially turning away from it in order to not face it again, it’s about changing something we’re doing.  It’s literally doing the opposite.  Fasting is temporary but Giving Up is permanant.  

I’ve learned that if I want to change a part of my personality, then I have to be ready to do a 180 on it – and turning away from worldly things will put me front and center with the Word.  No doubt that Word is going to change me, because it’s so different than the words I’m used to hearing.  I’ve seen what the words spoken over me and to me have done thus far; I’m reminded of the Water Experiment (seen here).  “If our bodies are over 80% water, and words can do that to water – imagine what our words can do to us”, that’s the Hope i’m holding onto – the Power of Words.


Day Four – The Cross

Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.

Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves you.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus, loves… me.  Jesus loves me.  He loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  

It’s like on repeat in my mind – Jesus loves me.  Ok, I’ve heard it – I’ve read it – but its not engrained in me yet.  I haven’t reached that level of understanding.  I get that He died up there on that cross bearing all my transgressions.  I get that He did it for me, so that I could become the Righteousness of God… Jesus loves me.  Do I even understand the depths of love?  Have I experienced any trace amount of the depths of Gods love?  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  


God sent Jesus so that He could die for me and through my belief all my sins could be forgiven.  While I loved the world I made myself an enemy to God.  

That hasn’t quite sunk in yet – eventhough I know that the Word says “you are either for me, or againist me”.  And through all that, Jesus loves me.  

With love comes trust… there is a bond of trust between lovers – the kind of trust that says, I’m here for you.  Whatever the circumstance or consequence, I’m sold out for you.  I love you.  I’m not going to allow anything sinful to separate us.  You belong to me, says the Lord.  I belong to God, I’m His child and He loves me.  Jesus is the Word of God and the Word is God.  God loves me.  God loves me.  The Word of God loves me.  God who is love reaches out with all that He is and encapsulates me in a sphere of His protection because He loves me.  Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  

Jesus is waiting on me to ask… and I have.  I love Jesus.  I love Jesus.  I love Jesus. AND Jesus loves me.  Jesus loves me.  I love Jesus.  Jesus loves me.  I am learning how to love through Jesus.  God is teaching me how to love through Jesus.  Jesus loves me.


(No cut, copy and/or paste was used for this blog.)

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Day Three – The Way of Purity

So… defines Purity as:

1.  the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc.: the purity of drinking water.

2. freedom from any admixture or modifying addition.

3. ceremonial or ritual cleanness.

4. freedom from guilt or evil; innocence.

5. physical chastity; virginity.

As I’m learning to reestablish my physical and mental chastity I too and learning how in all aspects of my life, I need to reestablish a pure essence.  In all of life, we are accustomed to mimicking the things we see.  Commercialism America drowns our minds insomuch that with every product that is pushed, experts know that by engaging our feelings and adding an emotional stimulation will make their products sell so much more effectively. 

This constant berating of our minds has left us forgetting about the true essence of humanity – each other.  Every person desires to be treated and revered as human.  I’m often reminded at nearly every place of interaction whether that is with family, church or work of my tone.  The way in which I say things often times needs “checked”.  When it comes out of my mouth, it sounds horrid.  But that’s not at all like my brain is processing it. 

I remember in my youth during Softball games I was constantly being reminded not To Throw the Bat.  As soon as I was done batting, I would whip that bat out of my hands and nearly hitting the umpire and catcher; it wasn’t something I was trying to do – but it was happening.  Much like my tone – in moments of frustration – I spat off at the mouth, not thinking about how my words will be perceived.

And I find that we are conditioned the same way to treat people in everyday life that way.  We go about our business disregarding their situation.  We plague ourselves with sin and lusts of the flesh – as not to “notice” the struggles of others.  We spend money we don’t have; we exploit not only ourselves but people as a means to get what we desire.  And we do it all without thinking.  Have we lost our ability to be humane with each other?

I was watching this video on facebook this evening and it reminded me of the time I spent working with a homeless ministry in a major us city.  I remembered the eyes of the faces we delivered food to and ministered to.  I remember thinking to myself of their humanity and how lost they were.  I remembered.  And then I watched this video and it reminded me of how important it is to treat people with respect and humanity.

The adversary would like us to think that we’re all alone… I caught another post regarding a man from my hometown.  We’ve all seen the people with cardboard signs begging for money… but this man, after suffering the loss of his daughter just a few short weeks agImageo gained custody of his two grandsons… living rather meagerly himself off just his SSI checks found himself in quite a predicament and didn’t have any food to feed them.  So he taped her death certificate to this piece of cardboard (as he didn’t think people would believe him) and was just asking for food contributions to feed his grandsons through the weekend until is check would arrive on Wednesday.  What a humbling experience to be in, what a circumstance of great heights to be looking at… and that’s when I realized that without God we really are ALL ALONE.

 There have been many times I’ve been in a state of (what seemed like) perpetual bliss (the peace that surpasses all understanding); that peace is God.  I couldn’t fathom how I was going to overcome my current obstacle but I did it with resounding grace because I felt the presence of God all over the situation and me… I’ve lost that.  I continued to live life as if no one cared, or would bother to care (even though I knew that was a fallacy). 

Two spiritual brothers of mine recorded a video message which upon viewing it blessed me more than I can even describe.  Brother Eric has an amazing testimony and has been featured on… but it’s just like God to deliver up a meal of exactly what I needed to nourish my mind today.  Today I was reminded that being Pure is simplfiing what really matters in life – each other.
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